Minneapolis Hit-and-Run Blamed on Bush

After a woman had the gall to demand that a man return the $50 and bottle of Pepsi he stole from her at a gas station in Minneapolis on Saturday, the robber ran her over with his car.

The Armchair Politician spoke with local liberals, who seemed to agree with each other that "this is just another result of Bush's reactionary policies. If it wasn't for his tax-cuts to the rich and his illegal war in Iraq and his willful destruction of the environment and all his unconstitutional talk about God, this poor woman never would have been killed. The people who committed this so-called crime were merely victims of the dark, Orwellian society Bush has created."

When asked what in blue blazes they were yammering about, the young rapscallions replied, "Why are you always trying to bring us down, you religious crackpot?"

In related news, the Pepsi Bottling Group has been sued by the family of the victim.