UPDATE: Minneapolis Hit-and-Run Blamed on Bush

Minneapolis police have a new lead on the suspect who robbed a woman of $50 and a bottle of Pepsi, then killed her by running her over with a car after she tried to get it back. After "a rush to purchase $50 used laptops turned into a violent stampede Tuesday, with people getting thrown to the pavement, beaten with a folding chair and nearly driven over" in Richmond, Virginia, Minneapolis detectives are working closely with police in Richmond, as it has become clear that the crimes are connected. The $50 was to buy a laptop in Richmond, the Pepsi was to be used as a refreshment device after the mob scene, and there is no question that the car is this perpetrator's weapon of choice.

The Armchair Politician returned to local liberals for comments on this latest development. They agreed with each other that "this case certainly casts serious doubts on our previous position. It could be that the low, low price of the iBooks drove the man to violence. If that is the case, it was not economic hardship that led him to kill, but rather the Henrico County school system's attempt at lifting our technologically downtrodden citizens out of laptop poverty."

When asked again what in the stony throes of yore they were jabbering about, the hemp-clad do-goodniks replied, "Get down from your soapbox, flip-flopper!"

When informed that a young woman "lost one of her flip-flops in the ordeal and later limped around on the sizzling blacktop with one foot bare," the liberals agreed with each other that "accusing someone of flip-flopping would fail to respect anyone who is mourning the loss of a loved flip-flop. And the bottom of his or her foot. Sorry, dude."

In related news, Apple Computer, Inc., is being sued in a class-action lawsuit by everyone involved in the recent computer chaos.