American Midwesterners upset over African big game relocation proposal

If a group of US researchers have their way, lions, cheetahs, elephants and camels could soon roam parts of North America, Nature magazine reports.

Some scientists claim this move could restore long-lost biodiversity in the Great Plains states. Local wildlife, however, feel their homeland is diverse enough.

"These antelope and camels and elephants think they can come in here and eat our food, take our jobs? Well, I think the idea stinks, and I think these animals stink," said one wolf from Wisconsin. A buffalo in southern South Dakota was troubled by the prospect of a predator immigration. "Lions? Cheetahs? That's bull," he said. "There's no way I can outrun those African animals. They're going to eat us alive. The market's just too tight right now."

Africans remain hopeful about the proposal. "This is a great opportunity for us," said a Tanzanian lion. "We've suffered for a long time on this continent, and when we get a rare chance like this, we have to grab the bull by the horns. I think this idea is really well done. We're not going to take any jobs that Americans aren't already unwilling to do. We're hard-workers, we're not lazy like some animals." Said one cheetah, "I've seen too many family members die here. I've dreamt for so long about moving to America; I really think this is something I could sink my teeth into."

African-American animals living in zoos welcomed the idea. Many saw the immigration as a first step to popular acceptance of their release. "I've been waiting for something like this for a long, long time," said a lion at the Cincinnati Zoo. "When people see that it's okay for Africans to roam the wild and have ecomonic independence, surely they'll set us free. We can only hope. I've had my eyes on some choice white-tail deer for a long time."