Success in Iraq prompts order of two more infantry battalions

The Pentagon has ordered 1,500 paratroopers to Iraq to provide security in advance of two upcoming national votes, the military announced Wednesday.

The additional paratroopers were ordered to make a successful situation even more successful. This comes as no shock to those who follow the U.S. military's policies closely, as one of the first tenets of good warfare, according to the Pentagon, is that once success is achieved, additional persons with guns are required; not to prevent the success from becoming a failure, but to make the success as successful as it had succeeded in succeeding. Lt. Col. Barry Venable, a Pentagon spokesman, clears things up: "This deployment is in support of continued progress," he said. "We are reinforcing success."

The 1,500 paratroopers are needed so badly in Iraq that, as Vice President Dick Cheney put it, "they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency."

President George W. Bush cut to the heart of the success story: "Our progress has been uneven, but progress is being made."

In related news, satire stories are losing their jobs in record numbers to news stories able to consistently out-humor them. Many satire stories have been forced to join the military in lieu of finding new work.