Bush nearly admits mistake, while soldiers sent to provide M-16 aid

Responding to cuss-filled criticism from New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin regarding hurricane relief efforts, "President Bush admitted 'the results are not acceptable' and pledged to bolster the relief efforts with a personal trip to the Gulf Coast on Friday." Upon seeing many a reporter's mouth agape, press secretary Scott McClellan was quick to point out, "That was not an admission of error. To suggest anything of the sort would be ludicrous. The president has done what has needed to be done and nothing less."

Meanwhile, in the heat of southern Louisiana, promises were being made of approaching National Guardsmen to quell the riotous looting and looting rioters, and also to provide some food and some aid to some people in some need. "[Lt. Gen. Steven Blum] said half of [the 7,000 Guardsmen] had just returned from assignments overseas and are 'highly proficient in the use of lethal force.' He pledged to 'put down' the violence 'in a quick and efficient manner.'" He then added, "I anticipate this operation will run just as smoothly as our successful shut-down of the insurgency in Iraq. Furthmore, we hope to have a new Louisiana constitution by February."

Gov. Kathleen Blanco called the looters "hoodlums" and issued a warning to lawbreakers: Hundreds of National Guardsmen hardened on the battlefield in Iraq have landed in New Orleans. "They have M-16s and they're locked and loaded," she said. "These troops know how to shoot and kill, and they are more than willing to do so, and I expect they will."

The operation, known as Operation Cajun Quell, is hoped to have the added effect of reducing the amount of food and aid needed to help storm-ravaged citizens. According to one administration source, "If too much aid is given to these refugees, poor people across America might begin to wonder where their aid is. Ultimately, as our example has been throughout the nation, we need to focus on job creation along the Gulf. New jobs are the only way these hurricane victims are going to be able to get back on their feet for a sustained period of time. There's an old saying in Texas, You can give a man a fish, but if you don't teach him how to eat... if you fish with... well, he needs to eat more fish." The official asked that his name not be used.