Governor Pawlenty to enact new expense-slashing initiative; first to go are Metro Transit brakes
Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty has unveiled a new initiative he hopes will help balance the budget, while avoiding the usual tricky accounting measures used to temporarily keep it balanced each spring. His intentions have been made clear that he will not raise a single tax in this state (except when he calls them “user fees”). Naturally, if revenues are to remain steady, the only way to balance the budget will be with drastic expense-slashing measures. Hence, what the Governor has dubbed, the Anti-Spending Solution.
Pawlenty intends only to release the components of his plan piecemeal. The first item in the Anti-Spending Solution: literally cutting the brakes on Metro Transit buses.
The Governor decided recently to take a trip on one of Metro Transit’s many bus lines, to find out whether the buses held any secrets to expense-slashing. Indeed they did, he discovered. It occurred to Pawlenty that on every trip, the bus had to make innumerable stops. Nearly every time somebody needed to get on, and every time somebody needed to get off, the bus stopped. “This must be costing the state a fortune in brake fluids and pads!” he exclaimed to his aides. Indeed it was, they explained. Hence, what the Governor has dubbed, “No Brakes!”
Governor Pawlenty announced that he has decided to put an end to all braking by Metro Transit buses, except when following traffic signs. Passengers can still get on, he says, by grabbing hold of new “Zoom Bars,” as he calls them: grip-laden bars on the sides of the buses that would-be passengers can grab hold of as the buses pass, and pull themselves on.
Passengers who would like to get off, he says, will need to wear protective padded clothing (to be available at all Metro Transit offices) so that they can simply tuck and roll to safety as they throw themselves from the speeding buses. He also decided by the end of his announcement that the buses will not, in fact, be stopping for traffic signs.
More news of Governor Pawlenty’s ground-breaking, expense-slashing initiatives in the Anti-Spending Solution will be reported as they are revealed.
Pawlenty intends only to release the components of his plan piecemeal. The first item in the Anti-Spending Solution: literally cutting the brakes on Metro Transit buses.
The Governor decided recently to take a trip on one of Metro Transit’s many bus lines, to find out whether the buses held any secrets to expense-slashing. Indeed they did, he discovered. It occurred to Pawlenty that on every trip, the bus had to make innumerable stops. Nearly every time somebody needed to get on, and every time somebody needed to get off, the bus stopped. “This must be costing the state a fortune in brake fluids and pads!” he exclaimed to his aides. Indeed it was, they explained. Hence, what the Governor has dubbed, “No Brakes!”
Governor Pawlenty announced that he has decided to put an end to all braking by Metro Transit buses, except when following traffic signs. Passengers can still get on, he says, by grabbing hold of new “Zoom Bars,” as he calls them: grip-laden bars on the sides of the buses that would-be passengers can grab hold of as the buses pass, and pull themselves on.
Passengers who would like to get off, he says, will need to wear protective padded clothing (to be available at all Metro Transit offices) so that they can simply tuck and roll to safety as they throw themselves from the speeding buses. He also decided by the end of his announcement that the buses will not, in fact, be stopping for traffic signs.
More news of Governor Pawlenty’s ground-breaking, expense-slashing initiatives in the Anti-Spending Solution will be reported as they are revealed.
posted by jereminate at 11:54 PM
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