Eager legislators look beyond soda tax

It was reported recently that some scientists are now calling for a so-called "fat tax" on sodas and fast food, in the interest of forcing the public toward what they view as healthier choices. However, some U.S. Congressmen, who requested to remain anonymous, knowing that their quotes would be mostly fabricated anyway, have already said that they'd like to go much further than taxing merely sodas and fast foods.

"Sure, taxing fatty foods would be nice, but people are unhealthy in so many other ways," one legislator said. "I really think there are many more opportunities for revenue out there that we're not taking advantage of, sadly." The public servants said that they could envision putting taxes on things like watching television, using personal computers, living in highly-pollutant cities, getting too much sun, going outside without a jacket when it's cold or raining, or leafing through papers too quickly.

The congressmen then explained that they had many more ideas for new taxes designed to help us all live healthier lives, but that they had to get the boxes from their cars. At that point, this reporter decided that it would be a good time to go for a run, in hopes that there might be a tax credit for it someday.