Exclusive: Interview with terrorist cat

Recently, a Connecticut house cat who goes only by the name Lewis was accused of terrorizing a Fairfield neighborhood. Lewis reportedly bit and scratched several people in a severe manner over a span of three years. He has now been ordered to serve a lifetime sentence of house arrest. The Armchair Politician recently visited Lewis for an exclusive interview.

AP: Thank you for spending some time with us today, Lewis. I understand that you are under house arrest?

LC: I'm going to take a nap.

AP: Well, we were hoping you could spare a few moments. A lot of people have claimed that you bit and scratched them. How do you respond to these allegations?

LC: Don't talk to me.

AP: But you don't deny them? Do you regret your actions?

LC: This is Lewis's time.

AP: Your owner says you're a good kitty, but some reporters have even gone so far as to say that you were "terrorizing" the neighborhood. How do you respond to that?

LC: Go away.

AP: These reports won't simply go away, I'm afraid. Do you see yourself as a terrorist, Lewis?

LC: I'm going to bite you.

AP: I see. Is it because of the lack of fur on my skin? Are these outbursts meant to be political statements, or are they merely acts of desperation?

LC: Forget it, too much effort.

AP: Do you feel that you will struggle to live a meaningful existence in prison?

LC: Zzzzzzz.